You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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