Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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