We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize