my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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