your parents love me but you hate me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize