R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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