Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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