you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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