She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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