Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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