theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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