Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We are all done wearing pants today
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