I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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