I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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