You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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