How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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