the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize