if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize