he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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