xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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