Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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