Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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