I just threw up on my dentist
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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