my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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