While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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