My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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