I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize