I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize