I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Acid is not a monday night drug
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize