after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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