The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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