I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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