I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize