I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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