I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize