Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize