One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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