she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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