reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize