the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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