..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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