At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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