I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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