dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
NoShamevember. You game?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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