break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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