Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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