I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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