my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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