Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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