I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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